Blueberries on the Hill
by pansy1980
Summary: Kathryn and Phoebe go and pick blueberries, set 6 months after Endgame. Last chapter is up!
1. Chapter 1

Blueberries On the Hill

Guess who is back? LOL

Kathryn and Phoebe go and pick blueberries, set 6 months after endgame.

The sun had just barely risen and the house was already to hot. It was June, 6 months ago Voyager had made it back to the Alpha Quadrant. After 7 years of fighting off aliens, destroying Omega molecules, loosing members and gaining members of her crew, Kathryn was on leave. She hadn't decided yet if she would return to Star fleet, her life had revolved around Star fleet for so many years that frankly she was burnt out over anything even having to do with San Fransisco.

The press of course was still doing interviews on the crew, and she of course could not go anywhere without protection. Even her home was under security protection, apparently their were people on earth that still were not to happy about Voyager returning to the Alpha Quadrant. Apparently several important projects had been put on hold for the planet when Voyager appeared home that faithful day. Admiral Paris had told her that she had nothing to worry about from these people, but still he insisted on the security protection.

And then there was Chakotay. There was always Chakotay. He was the one person that she missed more then the rest. She missed his glare at her when she said something inappropriate at the gala dinner. He had turned almost red and she had bit her bottom lip, and tried not to laugh when she saw his reaction.

6 months earlier-

On their final night on board the vessel, the crew had a huge gala in honor of there departure from the ship that had been home for seven years. The only member that would not be present for the event was Tuvok. A few hours after she had been in contact with Star fleet regarding his medical condition, Star fleet had made it possible for Tuvok to return to Vulcan immediately.

The only member that had been allowed to say goodbye had been Chakotay and herself. Kathryn had hugged her dear friend that had been such a stable part in her life for so many years. Chakotay had taken the Vulcan's hand and smiled.

Then Tuvok did something that Kathryn to this day, still did not understand. The Vulcan looked at her and Chakotay and took both of their hands and put them together, and slid his hand on top for a few moments. He had said a few words that she didn't understand and then he left. She called out to him to ask him what he had said, but he never responded.

She never asked him but she could tell the Chakotay was just as puzzled by his reaction. He only stood silently for a moment transfixed by the sight of their hands touching, and then he looked back at her and left.

That night at the party Tom was retelling a story about how Chakotay had tried to start a fire on the planet and how he had used a portion of the captains hair to start it. Kathryn didn't know why she had uttered the next phrase but it had slipped.

She had looked over at the former members of her crew and then she looked Tom right in the face and said, "I was very worried Tom, I figured that if Chakotay couldn't start the fire with my hair we were all going to have to burn our uniforms." It was at that moment she noticed that Chakotay had turned bright red, and she noticed that the whole crew was speechless.

Chakotay simply got up from the table and left. And that was the last time she saw him. In fact it was the last time that any of the crew had even heard from him. She briefly looked into the matter, but Starfleet had told her that he had decided not accept a teaching offer with them, and that that was the last they had heard from him.

And after that she stopped searching for him. She had embarrassed him, after everything he had done for her, she had taken his privacy and his honor and tore it apart. She had destroyed in one moment everything that their friendship had been about.

But that had been six months ago, and today was the day that Kathryn and her younger sister Phoebe were going up to the hill to pick blueberries. In fact it would be the first time in years that she had been up the hill, the last time that either of them had been there was just before dad and Justin's death.

That was the past. She was just finishing her coffee when her sister came into the room. Her sisters hair was pulled back loosely. She had grown it out for several years now and it made her look much younger. The years had been good to Phoebe, despite the pain and suffering she had been through. Shortly after Kathryn had disappeared, Phoebe had lost her new husband, in a boating accident on Lake George. It was after that that her mom had sold the property, for Phoebe's sake.


	2. Chapter 2

Blueberries on the hill

pt2

Feedback is great... I try to respond to all of my feedback. **smiles**

Phoebe was another Janeway member that you didn't want to mess with. She had a temper even though she rarely displayed it. There were only a few times that she remembered that her sister had really lost it. One of those times had been after dad and Justin had passed away. Phoebe had come up to her room with a bucket of ice water and tossed it over her. Then Phoebe looked down at her and spoke.

"Kathryn, time for you to pick yourself up and get on with your life. Dad and Justin are not coming back, there is nothing that you can do about it. Finish Star fleet like dad would have wanted you to, and get on with your life. But for fucking sakes get out of bed and do something productive with your life, a Janeway would never act this way."

She smiled at her sister as she walked into the kitchen and took a hard roll from the breadbox.

"Kathryn, why on earth do you keep staring at me that way?"

"I am remembering Phoebes. When we were both young and things were different."

Phoebe grunted. "Speak for yourself, I am still young."

Kathryn put her hands on her hips. "Are you ready now or do I need to get the collar and the leash?"

Phoebe looked at her sister and put her hands on her hips. "Careful Kathryn, you know what they say about trying to teach an old dog new tricks. And you are way older then me." Phoebe started to laugh and Kathryn only bit her bottom lip as she tried to keep her composure. If anyone in the Janeway clan had wit, it was Phoebe.

Phoebe had the power to just look at a man with her eyes and seduce him on the spot, without saying a word. Kathryn had the same ability to her credit, but she had nothing on Phoebe.

Kathryn laughed as the two of them made their way past the cornfield and headed north up the path.

Phoebe looked at her sister and smiled. "Care to let me in on the joke sis?"

"I was remembering when you put that ad in the paper for possible dates for the Prom in High School and that day we had almost 20 men lined up at the door waiting for you to say yes to them.

Phoebe let out a huge belly laugh. "I almost forgot about that, mom was so angry. I think she grounded me for a month. Do you remember what she said?"

Kathryn thought.. "Yes I do. Phoebe Janeway in this house we do not place ads in the paper regarding dating. No respectful man would ever place and ad in the paper for a lady. It just isn't done."

The two of them continued to walk along the sandy path, and up a small area of tall grass.

"You know Kathryn I remember telling Sara, my best friend at the time about it. And she told me that she thought that personal ads were for only one thing."

Kathryn raised her eyebrows, "And what was that?"

Phoebe stopped and turned, and looked at her sister. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and smiled. "fucking"

At that moment both of the girls burst into laughter, like they were teenagers and didn't stop until they were both in tears. They continued reminiscing about the past as they made their way up the long stretch of flat plains.


	3. Chapter 3

Blueberries on the hill

pt3

It was early morning, the sun had not even risen yet. In fact most of the people in the small village were still fast asleep. Except one, who had yet to go to bed. Chakotay sat in the hammock on the porch, with a bottle of beer in his hand, swaying back and forth looking over the landscape that was once his childhood home.

The moon was full, at it was the only light that he had to observe things in the night. The candles that he had brought out with him, were already spent. He clutched the beer bottle in his hand like a trophy, even though it's contents had been drank hours ago. Then as if he were in a trance he suddenly mumbled something under his breath, in a low seething voice.

"Damn her, I wish she would stay out of my mind."

The front porch door squeaked open, but Chakotay only sighed heavily. Chakotay didn't look up. Instead he only placed the bottle on the floor, and crossed his arms in front of him.

"Don't even pretend to be asleep brother, why don't you swallow your pride and simply go and talk to her. We both know that you still love her, and sitting out here night after night, is not going to solve your problem."

Chakotay turned and faced his sister. He knew she was right. In fact he had known she was right for months. But his pride had been hurt and he had wandered away from her like a wounded animal, that went to lick its wounds.

Unfortunately for him, his sister knew that something had happened, when he returned to Dvoran without Kathryn Janeway. She had said she knew something was wrong because in all of his letters to her, while he was still on Voyager, he said that if they ever did make it home, he was planning on asking her to marry him. So when he came back empty handed, she knew that something had gone wrong. But she had been angry at him, and called him a fool, when he told her the reason why he had come alone.

In fact, she had called him an ass. Chakotay remembered it well because he had never heard his sister swear before. In fact, he had never seen his sister so annoyed before. He chuckled a bit at the fond memory. He turned and looked back at his sister who was occupying a small lounge chair.

"I have been an ass haven't I sis?"

His sister laughed then. "Was that a confession? Thank the spirits, he has not completely lost his mind. Yes Chakotay, you have been a royal ass. Just go to Indiana already, go and at least speak to her. You at least should tell her that you are sorry for not returning any of the messages that you received from her."

Chakotay nodded as he swung his body at of the hammock. "I know sis. I thought that perhaps I could just forget about her, about wanting her so much. But that is impossible. I thought that I could make myself live without her, tell myself that I didn't want her. But we both know that isn't true."

His sister smiled. "I am glad to hear you say that Chakotay, because you are leaving this morning on the shuttle to Earth. I made the reservation yesterday."

Chakotay laughed, so hard he nearly fell out of the hammock. "Have I been that difficult to live with?"

She turned and glared at him with one eye. "Yes you have. So go and pack your things, you leave in a few hours, and this time you had better bring her back with you, because I want to meet this women who has stolen the heart of my brother, she must be very special."

He got up and moved toward the door. He sighed heavily as he looked at his sister. "Thank you sis, for everything, for your kindness and your honesty."

He took her hand. "Mom would be so proud to see you all grown up and looking after me. In fact I know she would be proud of the women you have become, I know I am." She smiled as he removed his hand. He was already in the house, when she spoke.

"You should wear your best suit when you go. That was you can really make a stunning impression with her, no women in their right mind can resist a man that is as handsome as you, dressed in nice clothing. So even if she is angry at you for not returning those messages, she won't stay angry forever."

She laughed when she heard him laugh.


	4. Chapter 4

Blueberries on the Hill 4

Kathryn and Phoebe had been berry picking for hours, and both of their containers remained empty. When they first arrived, the two of them had gorged themselves on berries. Then after hungry had been stopped, they found themselves a nice shady spot under a tree. Kathryn laid her back against the trunk while her sister laid a few feet in front of her on her back.

They both closed their eyes and were silent for a very long time.

"Kathryn?"

"Yes?"

"Whatever happened to that handsome guy of yours?"

Kathryn knew where this conversation was headed. She smiled at her sister who still had her eyes closed. "Well, Mark got married remember?"

Phoebe opened her eyes wide, and rolled on her stomach and glared at her sister. "One time sis, I said he was charming and cute one time!"

Kathryn laughed harder then she had in years.

"How on earth do you remember that anyway Kathryn? I mean that has been a long time!"

Kathryn stopped laughing for a moment, and looked at her sister. "Honestly Phoebes, I was only giving you a hard time, I really didn't remember until you reminded me a few seconds ago." That was enough for both of them to really laugh, and hard.

When they finally calmed down, Phoebe got up and walked over to a close blueberry bush and picked a few berries and put them in her bucket. She stayed quiet for a few seconds and then gave her a sister a stare.

"So Kathryn, are you going to tell me why on earth you didn't come home with your commander?"

Kathryn got up and trotted over to a bush that was close to wear her sister was. "We did come home together Phoebe, we were on the same ship."

Phoebe grabbed a few berries off the bush and threw them at her sister. "Your spitting hairs Kathryn, you know exactly what I am talking about. And don't even think about changing the subject!"

If anyone on the planet or in the galaxy was more stubborn then Kathryn was, it was her sister. Kathryn knew that to even had a fighting chance to stop this conversation, she had better just spill her guts now. After all, she was dealing with a fellow Janeway, and honestly a part of her wanted to get it off her chest.

Kathryn put a few berries in her bucket, and then spoke. "I said something really stupid on our last night on Voyager together, and I know that I really embarrassed him. And when I tried to say that I was sorry, he was already long gone. I made him out to feel like an ass, and I still feel really badly about it. I tried to contact him for several months afterward, but I never got a response."

"What on earth did you say Kathryn?"

Kathryn put a few more berries in her bucket. "Well I said that if we had been stranded on a planet with no ability to start a fire, we could always take off our clothes and keep warm that way. But I said it in front of him and in front of my whole crew."

Phoebe started to laugh. "Thats it?"

Kathryn tried to hold in a smile. "Well, yes, but Phoebe, his culture is older and a little different then ours. I think he really took offensive to it. And honestly if I could do it over again, I would have never said it."

Phoebe looked at her sister. "Thats for sure, you probably would be 6 months pregnant by now."

"Phoebe!"

"What Kathryn! I have seen that mans picture, I can't believe you never even kissed that gorgeous mans lips. Good grief Kathryn, that man is so sexy. And don't even get me started on the that smile."

"Yeah don't get me stared on it either Phoebe. You have no idea how many sleepless nighs there were."

They both laughed a bit while they continued to pick.

"Phoebe."

"What" Phoebe was examining a blueberry up close while she answered. She popped it in her mouth as she looked up."

"What happened on Lake George Phoebe?"

Instantly Phoebe's expression changed. She looked back at her sister and simply shook her head. "It's getting late Kathryn, we had better get a move on if we are going to make it back to the house by nightfall."

"No. Phoebe we have to discuss this. You have never been like this Phoebe. You were the one who was always very expressive when it came to your feelings in the family. What changed Phoebe? Tell me what happened."

"No!" she almost growled it. Sensing that she was moving into hostile territory she decided it would be better if she didn't push. So instead she changed the subject.

"How full is your bucket Phoebe?" But Phoebe didn't answer, in fact she stayed quiet all the way home.

When the two of them finally got home, Phoebe put her bucket on the counter.

"I'm going to bed," was all she said.

Kathryn nodded. She knew something was wrong, but she knew that she would never get it out of her sister. She sighed heavily, replicated a cup of coffee, and headed toward the living room to enjoy a good book.

She studied the bookshelf carefully, and noticed an old family album. She picked it up and moved to the overstuffed chair, that had always been her fathers favorite. She opened the album and a loose article caught her eye. She turned it over, and suddenly everything made sense.

_**Severe Boating Accident, claims life on Lake George.**_

_Lake George-_

_Phoebe Janeway, younger sister of famed Starship Captain Kathryn Janeway, lost her fiancée in a boating accident on Lake George this weekend. _

_News sources claim that her fiancée had run into a mechanical problem and had contacted the coast guard for help. Apparently he tried to make the repairs himself, when one of the engines ignited. A few moments later the boat exploded. _

_The body was recovered shortly afterward. _

_The explosion rocked the entire lakeside._

_The family asks that you respect their privacy._

Kathryn looked up to see her sister standing in the doorway. She was a few meters away but Kathryn could see the tears in her eyes. She got up from the couch and gave her sister a hug. They both cried in each others arms.


	5. Chapter 5

Pt#5

Thank you for all of your wonderful feedback.

I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

They cried in each others arms for the longest time. Phoebe cried for a man she would never again hold in her arms, and Kathryn cried for the years that she lost with a man she never had the courage to face. The two of them sunk to the floor in a heap, the only thing that kept them both from falling over was the wall behind them. When Phoebe noticed Kathryn's tears, she was stunned. The last time that she had seen her sister cry was when dad and Justin had died.

"Kathryn, why are you crying?"

Kathryn pushed away some of the tears from her eyes. "You tell me your story sis, and I will tell you mine."

"Deal. But lets move to the couch Kathryn. You are to old to be sitting on the floor." Kathryn swatted her sister as they moved to the couch together. They covered themselves with a blanket and after a few sips of her coffee, Phoebe began to speak.

"_The night before, we had a wonderful dinner together. I got back late and as soon as I came downstairs mom started to hound me about if he was going to ask me to marry him or not. In all honesty Kathryn I really did think he was going to ask me that night to marry him._

_The following night we went dancing. He held me close to him, and I could hardly breathe. It was just like if were the only people in the whole room. His eyes never left mine. He whispered in his ear that he had never loved a women more in his life, and that we were meant for one another. I had never been more happy in my life, and I never wanted the song to end._

_I was just about ready to tell him that I loved him back when a women came up behind him and patted him on the shoulder. He turned around and was very surprised to see her. He gave her a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. She wrapped her arms around him, and then he turned and stumbled over my name, and introduced me as his friend. My heart broke. He turned back to her for a second and that was when I left._

_When I got home I had already been crying for a while. Mom saw me and asked me what was wrong but I flew up the stairs to my room, and locked the door. He came to the house shortly afterward looking for me. But I refused to see him. _

_The next day we had planned to go to Lake George together. But I refused to go with him. He left a letter for me with mom and then proceeded to go on without me. I had cried myself to sleep so I didn't hear mom put the letter under the door. A few hours later I woke up and saw the letter and I opened it and read it. _

Phoebe pulled out a small box and gave her sister the letter. The letter looked brand new even though it was a couple of years old. It had only been folded a few times. Phoebe sighed as Kathryn unfolded the paper and began to read.

_My dearest Phoebe,_

_I am so sorry about what happened the other night but please let me try to explain. The women I was holding was not my lover. She was a girl that my parents adopted when I was a small child. When we were both 8, our family was contacted by Star fleet telling us that the girls mother had been found alive. She had been in accident and she was not able to care for the child. Somehow Star fleet records had been informed that she was an orphan when we adopted her. _

_A few weeks later her mother came and got her. The was the last time that I saw her. Until that night. 24 years later we meet purely by chance. I was shocked to see her. Everything in my brain melted away, when I turned back to her I was telling her about you, and then I noticed that you were gone. She told me what I had said and I was horrified by my actions. _

_Please forgive me. Come to the lake today. I want to share the day with you, and tonight I have a surprise for you. I love you more then anything else. _

_Yours forever,_

_G_

Phoebe sighed deeply. _"I grabbed my jacket applied some makeup and ran down the stairs. I opened the door and a man from Star fleet was at the door. He asked me if I was Phoebe Janeway and then he told me that his body was found._

_That night a package arrived at the house. Special delivery. _

From the box Phoebe pulled out a small green velvet box. She opened it and showed it to her sister. Inside the box was an engagement ring with the words _Please Marry Me_ engraved in the front of the box.

_I stayed quiet and didn't cry for years Kathryn. I let it eat me up inside. And honestly a part of it still eats me up inside. Kathryn the one thing I have learned is this. If you love him don't let your Janeway pride ruin it for you. You may never see him again. _

"_OK your turn,"_

Kathryn finished her cup of coffee and filled her cup back up. She looked at her sister and smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

Blueberries on the Hill

*Your feedback has been incredible! Thanks so much!

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Enjoy-

One of the things about Star fleet was that if you had high security clearance you could go anywhere at a moments notice. You could always show up at any time and get to your destination. And anyone lower ranked then you would always step back when you came around. Having that kind of freedom and power, to just look at a person and make them sweat was something that even Chakotay missed.

Especially now, since he had been waiting for hours to board the next shuttle to Earth. If Chakotay had never resigned at Star fleet he probably would have already been to Earth and back again. But instead here he was in the crowded station lobby, waiting for his turn to finally board. He was about ready to put his feet up on the bench he was seated on when he heard a familiar voice say his name.

"Chakotay I thought that was you!"

"Mike Ayala, what on the world are you doing here?"

"Its a long story Chakotay. How the hell are you anyway I haven't seen you since the Voyager dinner. In fact I think that is the last time I saw any of our former family."

Chakotay chuckled. "Been away serving your country?"

Mike smiled, "I wish, it probably would be a lot less stressful then what I have been up to."

Mike sat down to his old friend and former captain. The two of them smiled at each other and laughed.

Mike was about to speak when Chakotay interjected. "Don't worry Mike I am not going to kiss you or anything like that, your not really my type."

"Thanks Chakotay, you always knew how to break the silence at any party we ever went to. By the way how is our former captain doing anyway are you two married yet or have you not set a date yet?"

Chakotay looked down at the ground and Mike immediately realized he had said something stupid. Chakotay sighed deeply and looked at Mike. "I was a fool to think I could ever try to live without her Mike, I just hope for my peace of mind that it's not too late to patch things up with her. But enough about me you were going to tell me why you are in the middle of no where."

"Well Chakotay its a long story but it basically boils down to this. I went to go and see my family after we got back to Earth. But they disowned me after I joined the Maqui. My mother wouldn't even come to the door to say anything to me. So after that I left Earth for awhile, I met a great man who owned a shipping company and I started to work for him, and a few weeks ago he died and left the whole company to me." Mike looked up at Chakotay. "No one has ever given me anything and now I am the owner of a huge company. So I left my associates in charge for a little while so I could go and take a mini vacation before returning to work. I want to give it one more try with my family Chakotay."

"Thats very admirable Mike, I respect you greatly for that. I only wish that I could have settled things with my father before he died. His loss and the fact that I was not around when it happened affected me deeply. It was one of the main reasons I joined the Maqui."

"Chakotay I would love to see the Captain again. She can't possibly throw us both to the curb, well not me anyway."

The two men laughed. "Mike if you want to come with me it would be an honor to be next to you."


	7. Chapter 7

Prt7

_Yes I know a long time coming…. Sigh just getting back into my writing I am very busy at the moment. But I do hope you will enjoy this section. And the next chapter will be much faster this time I promise. P_

Phoebe shivered. She opened her eyes and looked around the room. She was on the sofa and Kathryn was on the opposite end, claiming the blanket that they had both shared through the night. It had been a long night that had released many tears and a few words of comfort for both of them. Phoebe stretched as she removed herself from the couch.

"I'm getting old," she muttered under her breath.

She made her way toward the kitchen to make Kathryn some coffee and some morning toast for herself. She had just got the coffee started when she heard Kathryn stirring.

"Phoebe?"

"I'm in the kitchen Kathryn."

"Phoebe can you put some coffee on?"

"I did it already sis, I know you would kill me if I didn't"

Kathryn was about ready to respond to that statement when her sister came in with a cup of coffee. Kathryn took a few sips and retreated upstairs to have a shower.

The two of them were rather quiet this morning, the night had been very emotionally driven, and many thoughts, thought to be long gone had been stirred to the surface.

Their parents had the kind of relationship that neither of the daughters could ever seem to recreate in their own lives. Kathryn had lost two men she loved, one by accident and the other by the Caretaker. Phoebe had a few relationships before she had met her fiancé, but none after she had lost him in the accident. They were both very strong and capable but yet they both were afraid of exactly the same thing, their tears.

Kathryn had enjoyed her shower, and was headed back downstairs to steal whatever her sister had prepared for her breakfast. Both sisters had been taught at an early age to cook by their mother. But Phoebe had actually excelled at it where Kathryn had simply failed.

They were both sitting down to breakfast when the sound of a car door slamming was heard outside. Sisters looked at one another, their neighbor next door was off on vacation for another week, and neither of them were expecting any visitors.

Phoebe got up and walked over to the window. Her jaw nearly dropped to the floor when she saw two very handsome men making their way up the path to the house.

Phoebe squealed, and bolted for the door. She waited till she heard a knock on the door before she opened it. Kathryn observed some of her sister's food on her plate and had begun to help herself. In the middle of chewing she heard a voice from her past.

It couldn't be.

"Hello, my name is Mike and this is Chakotay. We were looking for Kathryn Janeway is this her home? We both served alongside her on Voyager."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mike, and Chakotay. You have the right house. My name is Phoebe I am Kathryn's younger sister, please come in."

The two men came in and Phoebe closed the door behind them. "Please make yourself at home in the living room. I will go and grab my sister for you."

Phoebe turned the corner and nearly fell over Kathryn who was standing in the hallway. Phoebe grinned at her sister, "Kathryn I take back whatever I said about Chakotay, and how come you never told me there were such handsome men on your ship! Dear gods no wonder why you were stranded for seven years!"

Phoebe had made her last statement rather loudly, and turned bright red when she heard both Mike and Chakotay laugh from the living room. She threw her hand over her mouth, bit her tongue and closed her eyes.

From the living room the two men laughed hearing something that they obviously were not supposed to hear. Mike couldn't help but respond to what Phoebe had said.

"You know Chakotay I think it would have been very interesting to have more gorgeous outspoken women like Phoebe on Voyager for seven years. I don't think I would have minded so much if I would have been stranded with such a sexy woman." At this point Chakotay was choking back tears, when he added, "Maybe she could have talked to Kathryn and we could have all gone on a double date."

At that moment Kathryn walked into the room.

"Gentlemen I can assure you that if my sister had been stranded with us on Voyager neither of you would have had a chance with us."

Mike starred at Chakotay who simply rose off of the couch.

"Hello captain, you are looking well." Mike said rather softly. But Chakotay remained silent. Kathryn and Chakotay looked as if they were having a silent starring contest with each other. Suddenly feeling like a third wheel Mike got up and headed toward the kitchen in search of Phoebe.

Chakotay and Kathryn didn't seem to notice.

"Why are you here Chakotay?"

He looked for the right words, words that could touch her heart and perhaps give him a second chance with this woman that stood before him. A woman that he had been in love with since the first moment he had seen her.

"I wanted to say I was sorry."

Kathryn sighed heavily. "No need for apologizes Chakotay, I am glad that you are alright, but why are you here? The last I heard you were on Dorvan starting a new life, far from Starfleet."

"I was, or at least I tried to."

Kathryn began to get very uncomfortable. She needed to change the subject quickly but all of the topics, everything that she had studied at Starfleet had vanished from her mind. She stood starring at him, wanting to say something, anything, but nothing was coming to mind. And then Chakotay took a step forward leaned in and kissed her lips softly.

And that was the end of the tower formerly known as Kathryn Janeway. The tears flowed effortlessly from her eyes, as her arms came around his neck. She suddenly realized that she was not the only one crying. The two of them clung to each other holding on like their lives depended on it.

Phoebe stood facing the fridge. She turned around sharply when she heard the floor squeak softly behind her. It was Mike.

"Sorry, I thought that maybe I should give Chakotay and your sister some time alone. I think they need to discuss some things."

"You are probably right Mike. Can I make you something to eat? I know how bad shuttle food can be these days."

Mike had to laugh at the statement.

"You have no idea Phoebe. But I don't wish to impose on you in any way."

Phoebe laughed. "It's my pleasure Mike you are a guest here and it is my pleasure. However if you have a death wish I could call my sister in here to prepare something for you instead."

Mike couldn't help but laugh and stare at the woman that stood before him. She was wonderful. He hadn't laughed so hard in ages, and certainly not with a woman that he had just met.

"So do you have any preferences Mike or should I just fix you something that isn't replicated?"

"Anything is fine. Do you need any help?"

Phoebe shot Mike a glance and smiled. "So you can cook can you?"

Mike was feeling brave. But he didn't' realize until he uttered the phrase, "I am great in the kitchen and other places as well." How brave he really was.

Phoebe started to laugh and started to shake her head. She put her hands on her hips, which was the typical Janeway stance and stared him down.

"Ok Mike, what else are you good at?"

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

They both needed to talk, and to breathe. The kiss between them had relit the flame between them. And at the same time brought old wounds to the surface. They could see the pain in each other's eyes.

They retreated out of the house and into the garden, Kathryn leading like she always did. Chakotay was quiet, not saying anything until she spun around suddenly and caught him by surprise.

"Chakotay, I wanted to tell you I was sorry about what happened between you and I during that farewell party that we had on Voyager. I know it was the reason that you left and I have felt terrible about it for so many years. I even tried to find you, but Starfleet said that when you resigned they no longer had any way of contacting you."

"Kathryn I have to confess something as well. I got your letters; I just never let you know that I did. I know it was stupid of me. I let my pride get in the way. You would think that after years I might have finally come to my senses."

Now it was Kathryn's turn to be silent. "So you knew I was looking for you and you never said anything?"

She was quiet as she stood on the dock overlooking the pond in the Janeway backyard. He was next to her now, and he tried to reach for her arm but she jerked away. He fell forward face first into the pond. He came up sputtering with his hair in his eyes.

Her hands were on her hips now. "You stubborn jackass. I was actually worried about you and I kept all this grief in my heart this whole time just to find out you were ignoring me."

"Kathryn it wasn't like that I assure you."

Her eyebrows went up. "So how exactly was it commander? Were you just waiting to see if you're token half your age bride to be would get sick of you in time so you could have a chance with me, or were you planning on trying to have us both at the same time?"

He stood in the water that was up to his chest glaring at her. "Are you serious? Are we going to have this discussion about Seven again, how many times do we have to go over this Kathryn? We had 3 dates under the supervision of the doctor. Nothing happened. We kissed! That's where it ends. I am so tired of having this discussion with you!"

"Go to hell Chakotay! In seven years that we were on Voyager together we were always close. And then my best friend stabs me in the back under my nose, and he thinks its ok because he only kissed another woman! Why the hell didn't you ever try to kiss me?" As soon as Kathryn had uttered that statement she wished she could have been anywhere else in the world at that moment.

Chakotay stormed out of the water. And walked back up to her. His fists were clenched his eyes were on fire. And somehow it seemed to Kathryn that he had actually gotten taller, because know he really towered over her.

"You really are a stubborn woman Kathryn Janeway; I have no idea why I even tried to come here. There is no reasoning with you. And I am not even going to go down that path of us on Voyager and the way you kept me at bay like your personal slave for seven years. Consider our friendship or whatever was left of it terminated."

She was about to say something back to him. When he swung his arm around knocking her off her feet into the water below. He didn't look back he only retreated back to the house. Alone.

The Kitchen was a total mess. There was flour, eggs, syrup and water everywhere. Sitting on the floor on opposite ends of the kitchen were Phoebe and Mike. Phoebe grabbed a sole carrot and threw it at Mike who caught it easily. He took a bite and continued to watch Phoebe who was dressed in syrup and flour.

As he was getting up from the floor the two of them heard the backdoor slam. Chakotay came thundering into the kitchen wet and covered in pond grass.

He took one look at Phoebe and then at Mike. And tossed some of the grass off his shoulder on to the floor. "Forget it Mike, none of the Janeway clan are worth the trouble that they cause. They are all selfish bitches, who are too proud for their own good!"

Like a missile Phoebe crossed over to Chakotay and with all the strength she could muster pushed him hard into the wall. But he grabbed her by the arm and tossed her on the other side of the room breaking one of the dining room chairs. Chakotay was just turning around when Mike punched him hard in the gut.

"What the hell is wrong with you Chakotay?"

At that moment when he saw Mike run over to Phoebe who was bleeding from her head, he realized what he had done. He backed away slowly feeling like a caged animal.

"Mike I."

"Chakotay she needs a doctor.

Within a moment they were all transported away to Starfleet Medical.

All three of them.

It was not long before night fell. The Janeway house was still quiet. The kitchen was still a mess. The house was vacant. The garden however was not. One person remained there, floating on the surface of the water.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

Thank you so much for all of the feedback!

It was hours later when Mike, Chakotay and Phoebe returned home. Mike and Chakotay had been rather quiet the entire time. And when Phoebe was released from Starfleet Medical, and saw Chakotay in the waiting room, she told Mike that she was not going to be on the same transport as him. Chakotay understood and had taken an earlier transport to get back to the Janeway house to apologize to Kathryn and to take his leave.

He knew something was wrong when he came into the house and the mess in the kitchen that he had stumbled upon was still present. Kathryn would have cleaned up the mess by now. He started to call out her name as he ran upstairs checking every room. Every room was empty.

He ran outside to the last place he and she had argued thinking that she might be in the garden. Perhaps she was in her favorite tree. Or cutting some roses from her mothers rose bushes that she had always adored.

But she wasn't anywhere to be found.

He walked toward the dock, where he had acted like such a fool. How could he had said such foolish things to a woman that he had loved so dearly. He had to find her and make it right no matter what the cost was. His sister had been right, he had acted like an idiot when he left the first time. And Kathryn had been right to be angry with him for not returning at least one of her many messages. He was a stubborn, proud old fool.

He was a stubborn proud old fool that needed a woman that would stand up to him. That might be smaller in size, but had just as much guts as he had. He was kidding himself if he ever thought he could replace Kathryn Janeway. She was all that and so much more.

He almost growled the way he used to when he was frustrated. But something caught his eye that was slightly hidden in the Cattails by the shore. He jumped off the dock and made his way over the cattails through the water. The water was not deep but the mud and sand mix clung to his shoes. He drew back a few of the cattails.

That moment would hunt him for the rest of his life. It was Kathryn's body. Her head was laying on the side of the shore. Her eyes were closed, and her body was limp. He pulled her body on the shore and tried to get a pulse. But her body was cold, and there was no pulse that could be found.

He ran back toward the Janeway house determined to grab a beacon disk to get an emergency transport. He was just inside the house when he heard the front door click open. Mike and Phoebe entered as Chakotay grabbed the disk. Phoebe saw Chakotay first and screamed at him to get the hell out of her house. Mike came up behind Phoebe and ran after Chakotay who was already out through the back of the house. Mike could only hear a few select words that Chakotay was saying while he was running.

"Short time left, Mike."

When Mike finally came upon the site where Chakotay had stopped. Chakotay looked up at him with such sadness that Mike almost began to cry. There laying on the muddy ground in front of him was Kathryn Janeway. Her eyes were closed. He was about to ask Chakotay what had happened but the transporter shimmered away. And they were both gone.

From behind him came Phoebe.

"Where is he Mike?

Mike turned to her forgetting that the tears still lingered in his eyes. She was clever and saw them right away.

"Mike where is my sister?"

Mike swallowed hard. "She is with Chakotay. I don't know what happened but he transported them both to Starfleet Medical."

"What did that man do to my sister Mike?"

Not getting an answer immediately she rushed back across the grass to the house. She grabbed the last beacon disk, looked back at Mike and shimmered away out of view.

Mike knew where she was going. Phoebe was on her way to Starfleet Medical.

* * *

Chakotay sat in a chair facing a large window overlooking the palm gardens at Star Fleet Medical. He watched from the second story window as an elderly couple walked through the garden below him. Even though they were both old, the love that they shared was still evident in the way that they took care of one another. And even though she couldn't walk well, he was patient with her as she sat down on the bench next to him. They were old, but they were happy.

Chakotay sighed and looked away trying to ignore the tears that had already started to fall. He closed his eyes and made another silent prayer to the sprits. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up.

""Excuse me Chakotay the doctor would like to see you now, please come with me."

"Nurse can you tell me anything about her condition?"

"I don't know anything sir, I'm sorry. I was just asked to come and fetch you."

They reached the door and the nurse stepped aside. Chakotay opened the door and saw the doctor standing on the other side of the room.

"Are you Mr. Chakotay?"

"Yes where is Kathryn is she alright?"

From behind him two men grabbed his arms.

"Sir you are under arrest."

"Under what charge," Chakotay asked.

From a side door Phoebe entered. She looked over at Chakotay.

"For the death of my sister."

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Blueberries 10

Chakotay stopped struggling against the two men.

Mike emerged a few seconds later out of the same door that Phoebe had gone through. Mike simply starred at a man he thought he had knew. A man that he had respected for years on Voyager and even when they were both in the Maqui together. He never thought that Chakotay was capable of doing this.

Phoebe pointed at Chakotay. "I didn't have my sister for seven years! And I was finally getting to spend some of the lost years with her! And then you stole her away from me you bastard!"

The two men were about to take Chakotay away when a doctor rushed in through the door, that was directly behind them.

"I don't know how but we have a pulse, a few minutes ago we didn't have anything, but somehow Kathryn Janeway has a pulse!"

Phoebe fainted, and fell over into the arms of Mike.

Two Days Later-

Chakotay had spent 2 days awake and by Kathryn's side. Kathryn had a pulse but she had not been able to come out of the coma she was in yet. The doctors had told Chakotay that apparently she had suffered a fall, and perhaps fallen into water at the time of the accident. 

He would never forgive himself for that not in this lifetime or the next. How could he have let jealously and rage take over him. He loved this woman. He trusted her with every breath he took. But somehow something always stood in the way. Whether it was her loyalty to the prime directive, Mark, or his own stupid flings with various women, they had never been together.

Friends, yes. Good friends there was even a time for that. Enemies, more then once. But still Chakotay loved this woman. He took her hand again and stared at her face. He felt a finger against his hand and immediately looked up. Kathryn's thumb was rubbing against his finger.

"Doctor!"

"Doctor!"

Kathryn stirred. Chaktoay could hardly believe it she was waking up. He learned over her and started to whisper softly. 

"Kathryn, can you hear me its Chakotay. Kathryn its time to wake up now."

Very slowly Kathryn's eyes began to open. She squinted as soon as the light hit her blue eyes. She put her hand on her head and slowly began to rise off the bed.

Chakotay grasped her other hand. She looked over at him, and grabbed her hand back and began screaming at the top of her lungs.

"It's you!

"It's you!

Chakotay tried to comfort her. But the look she gave him was that of complete terror. Her eyes were in tears, and she was shaking uncontrollably. His Kathryn, the one that was not afraid of anything was afraid of him. It was almost too much for him to bare.

The doctor stepped next to him. "Sir you should leave. Apparently seeing you is making her extremely tense and uncomfortable."

Chakotay nodded and left through the metal door. He had just rounded the corner when he ran into Phoebe. She looked up at him, tears still fresh in her eyes, and then shook her head and went around him. Chakotay knew why she blamed him for everything. How could she not. Her sister, the woman that he loved had almost died because of his reckless behavior. He had become that angry warrior again. Somehow everything had just escalated out of control. And now he was certain he would never be welcome in the Janeway house again. 

He knew one thing for sure. It was time for him to go home. Back to Dvoran.

One week later-

The rain was pouring in San Francisco. It had been raining non stop for three days. The wind whipped along the bay creating a frozen chill in the air. The weather report had said that today was going to be sunny. Chakotay chuckled to himself as he made his way to the small café by the bridge. He found some comfort in the fact that even in this century people still couldn't predict the weather.

Chakotay walked through the door and took off his jacket and sat at one of the tables near the back. In a few hours he would be returning to Dvoran for good. He was happy knowing that in a few days he would be back at his sisters home. And perhaps in a months time he would have his own dwelling, his own garden, and some peace of mind. 

He looked up to see his friend Mike enter the café. He was quiet as he came over. 

"Hello Mike, glad you could come, would you like anything to eat? Last chance to take advantage of your former commander."

Mike shook his head. "Thanks Chakotay, but Phoebe already fed me this morning. She has gotten into the habit of telling me I need to eat more. She is quite the woman. Strong and independent. Able to stare down any man with that glance of hers."

Chakotay smiled remembering the many times he was starred down with the same glance from Kathryn. Those were memories that were always present to him.

"I am thinking about asking her to marry me Chakotay."

Chakotay sat quietly for a moment. "Whatever you decide to do I am confident that any decision you make will be a great one. You are a good man Mike. I really respect the man you have grown into. Phoebe would be very smart to accept your offer."

Mike took a sip of tea, and swallowed hard. "And you would be wise to go and see Kathryn and tell her you are sorry about what happened. I know you still love her I can see it in your eyes. And its time you were honest to her about how much you love her."

"Mike that was a long time ago. I loved her on Voyager. And that time has passed."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"I said bullshit Chakotay. You know deep within yourself that she fulfills every desire that your soul craves. That when you think about having a life with her, you feel complete. That the tears you cry are only for her alone, and that you would give anything to kiss her lips and ask her to marry you."

Chakotays voice was rigid and deep. "That's enough Mike. I simply contacted you to say my goodbyes and good luck to you. I am leaving for Dvoran in a few hours. I will not be back to this planet again." 

Chakotay put on his jacket and shook Mikes hand. "I wish you nothing but happiness Mike." And then he was gone. Mike sat at the table stirring his tea. He remembered something suddenly and ran out of the café chasing down Chakotay. 

He reached him just at the end of the second block. 

"Chakotay I forgot to tell you something important."

"Well lets here it Mike, it must be something really important. Did you run all the way here from the café?

Mike took a breath. "She was holding this the other day and clutching it to her heart Phoebe said. She told Phoebe that there was one man that could make her cry deeper then anyone else. And when she thought of you she cried every tear she had inside until she thought she was empty. And for her you were everything she needed and she has always wanted you and needed you more then you could ever know. 

Mike slipped an old timepiece in Chakotays hand. And walked away.

Chakotay stood in the rain unable to move simply starring at it. Remembering that day on the bridge. When voyager was in shambles. And he held this timepiece in his hand. 

"_Happy Birthday."_

"_Happy what?"_

"_Today is May 20th__."_

"_Is it I thought we were still in April. I guess I lost track of the time."_

"_Well this should help."_

"_Its beautiful."_

"_19__th__ century, mechanical movement. it's a replica of the one worn by Captain Cray of the British navy. His ship was hit by a typhoon in the pacific. Everyone back in England thought they had been killed. But eight months later, Cray sailed his ship back into London Harbor. There was not much left of it a few planks, half a sail, but he got his crew home."_

"_I appreciate the sentiment but I can't keep this. Recycle it we can't afford to waste energy on non essentials."_

"_Kathryn I replicated this months ago. I have been saving it I wanted you to have it."_

"_That watch represents a meal, a hypo spray, It could mean the difference between life or death one day."_

"DAMN!"

Phoebe was setting the table for dinner. She was expecting that Mike was going to come over for dinner, so instead of setting two places she set three yet again. Kathryn was upstairs. The doctors at Starfleet had given her the option to come home under Phoebes watchful eye. And with the exception of some slight confusion about some things she was relatively well. She was cleaning up her bedroom when she called down to her sister.

"Phoebe?"

"Yes Kathryn"

"Never mind"

"OK"

Phoebe heard her sister coming around the upstairs corner and making her way downstairs. Her sister hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was dressed casually and seemed much better this morning. 

"Phoebe, did you happen to see that timepiece I showed you yesterday? I was going to put it in a box and recycle this morning but I can't seem to find it."

Phoebe stirred the sauce for the pasta. "Why on earth would you want to recycle that? I mean you brought it back with you from the delta quadrant it must have some value to you."

"Kathryn smiled at her sister. "It used to Phoebe. Did I ever tell you how I found it?"

"Nope."

I was walking with Neelix the Talaxian through the decks inspecting damage on Voyager when we got to Chakotay's quarters. I had evacuated the crew to escape pods and only the senior staff remained. I was doing some scans in the room when I saw it sitting on the floor. I brushed it off and took it in my hand. Kathryn closed her eyes as the memory came flooding back to her.

"_He disobeyed orders._

_Chakotay gave this to me five months ago. A birthday gift. I ordered him to recycle it."_

The front door opening put Kathryn back to reality.

"Phoebe I am back."

"I knew Mike would be back for dinner Kathryn. He can never stay away for some odd reason. 

"I am going to go for a walk Phoebe I will be back later. You two enjoy your dinner."

"Are you sure sis?"

"Yes."


	11. Chapter 11

Blueberries 11

Kathryn had been walking for hours. It had started to rain as she came upon a small hill that lead up to the blueberry field. For a moment she was very sad. She recalled the childhood memory of bringing her own children to this very place to pick the tasty fruit. She sighed at the memory thinking of how the years had passed so quickly. It wasn't until she thought of him that the tears began to flow. She had loved him for far too long. She wanted the tears to be gone, she tried desperately to force them back into her soul, but her own body betrayed her. Her own body seeked the release of emotion that she had trapped within herself for years. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. She tipped her face to the rain, trying to remember a time when she was at peace.

A sudden noise from behind her took her out of her current state. She turned, puzzled. There were very few people that walked to the isolated field, and even less would attempt it during a storm. She saw a top of a head and then she heard a voice call out for her.

"Kathryn?"

"Kathryn, where are you?"

At that moment she wanted to hide. Kathryn Janeway had never hid in her life. But at this moment she wanted nothing more then to dash into the field and lose him. But she knew he had already spotted her. She tried to calm herself and she made one last effort to hide the fact that she had been crying.

"Kathryn, I am glad I found you. I think we need to talk."

She turned to him, hoping that he wouldn't see the fact that she had been crying.

"What do you want Chakotay?"

He instantly knew as soon as he saw her eyes that she had been crying. He wanted to ask her why she was crying but he knew that she would pretend that she only had something stuck in her eye. He knew that she always had to be the strong one, that she would never break down in front of him. Because for her that would have been the ultimate weakness.

He paused slightly.

"You."

She pretended that she hadn't heard that phrase echo from his lips. She would overcome this and she would under no circumstances be swayed by this man. This handsome man, who always seeked to protect her from everything. This man who had been her friend for years, this man who she had always wanted.

She wanted to turn away from him. But when he took his hand and touched her soft face. The tears began to flow again.

"Kathryn, I love you. I promise that you will never regret a day you spend with me. I will always look for your happiness. I will strive to give you the peace that you seek in your life. So if I may show it outwardly, and wear my heart upon my sleeve, it only goes to show you how deep a heart can bleed when I love you the way that I do."

She was silent. And then all of a sudden she fell into his chest and began to cry. Chakotay wrapped his arms around her, and let her cry. He kissed the top of her head, as the rain poured around them. When she had cried her last tear, she looked up at him. He smiled and kissed her lips. They were finally together.

Years later-

"I still can't believe it Mike. Kathryn died so quickly after Chakotay."

Mike watched Phoebe as she laid a blueberry branch on her sisters grave. He put his arms around his wife.

"They had many years of happiness together Phoebe. But they could never be apart. There love was just too strong for this world to separate them for each other."

Mike took a look at both graves. "You better always protect her Chakotay. We will miss you both."

Mike took Phoebes hand as they walked through the blueberry field together. Their children came running after them, showing the blueberries that they had picked.


End file.
